


Sixty-Nine Dude!

by pinkevilbob



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, No Smut, just a bunch of openings to pornos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:08:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22872241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkevilbob/pseuds/pinkevilbob
Summary: For my sixty-ninth widojest fic, I've prepared a delightful selection of scenarios from the highest art form known to mankind, pornos.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 10
Kudos: 36





	Sixty-Nine Dude!

**Author's Note:**

> This is dumb and silly, but I hope you guys like it. It was fun taking some stereotypical tropes and give them a pinkevil twist.

Caleb was more than ready for his shift to end. All he had to do was deliver one last pizza and then he'd be done for the day. He rang the doorbell and checked his watch frowning. It was a minute slow.

The door opened and a pretty woman with blue hair stood there. She grinned widely. "You're here early."

"Ja, we pride ourselves on punctuality," Caleb said. "I've got a large sausage pizza for Jester. Is that right?"

"Yep! Let me just grab my wallet and I'll pay you," she said. Jester skipped away and Caleb couldn't help but watch how her skirt bounced with her every movement.

After a couple of minutes, a loud crashing sound came from inside the house. “EVERYTHING’S FINE!” Jester called out.

“Are you sure?” Caleb asked. He was starting to get concerned about this delivery.

“Yeah, I’m still looking for it. It’s fine!”

Caleb checked his watch again. He was technically off the clock now and done for the day, but he still had to finish this delivery.

Jester came back to the door looking distinctly less peppy. “Sorry. I couldn’t find my wallet. You won’t get in trouble if you don’t deliver the pizza will you?”

“Nein,” Caleb said. “I just have to declare it undelivered.”

“Oh,” Jester said.Her stomach rumbled loudly.

Caleb looked around. “They sometimes let me keep the pizzas you know. Especially if it’s at the end of my shift. I can just tell them that I couldn’t deliver it and kept it for myself. And just give it to you.”

“You could? I can’t let you do that.” Jester clapped her hands. “Oh, I have an idea.I can pay you a different way!”

“A different way?” Caleb could picture several ways that she would pay him, and he wasn’t sure whether he wanted that sort of payment or not.

Jester nodded grinning. “Yeah! Let me show you!” and took his hand and pulled him into the apartment. “I have the perfect payment for you.” She pointed to a painting on an easel. “My latest work! It’s of my weasel Sprinkle.”

“It is an interesting painting,” Caleb said, eying it. The painting was of a little red weasel surrounded by sprinkles.

“Is it interesting enough to be worth a pizza?” Jester asked. She was biting her lip nervously.

Caleb shook his head. “Nein. I’d say it’s worth five pizzas.”

“Five?” Jester gasped.

“At least,” Caleb said. “Here, my number. When you want your next pizza, text me and I’ll deliver it for you.”

Jester smiled at him and his heart melted. “I’ll take you up on that offer. And I’ll need to warn you. I really love pizza, so you’ll be seeing me soon.”

“I would hope so.”

* * *

Jester lounged next to the pool. It was the perfect day for sunbathing. She had her favorite playlist playing, plenty of lemonade, and her cutest swimsuit on. But most importantly, Caleb, the cute pool boy, was out.

“Hi Caleb!” Jester said waving at him.

Caleb waved back awkwardly. “Hello Miss Lavorre.”

Jester pouted. “Cay-leb! I keep telling you to call me Jester!”

“Oh right,” Caleb said with a hint of a blush. “Hello Jester.”

She grinned at him. “Caleb, I need your help!”

“You do?”

Jester nodded. “That’s right! I need help putting sunscreen on my back.”

Caleb’s face turned bright red. “Oh. Ja of course.” He came right over and poured the sunscreen into his palm. “Where do you want this?”

“Oh, just on my back and shoulders,” Jester said lying down on her stomach. The sunscreen was cold and gloppy on her back, but Caleb quickly spread it all over her.  
“There,” Caleb said. “Was that enough?”

Jester nodded sitting up. “Yep! Perfect.”

“Good,” Caleb said. There was still a hint of redness to his face.

“Caleb? Are you wearing sunscreen?” Jester asked.

Caleb shook his head. “Nein.”

Jester scowled. “Cay-leb! You work outside in the hot sun! It’s super important for you to wear sunscreen! Otherwise you’ll get sunburned for sure with how pale you are.”

“You shouldn’t be worrying about me,” Caleb said.

“You work for my mom,” Jester said. “And the last thing she’d want is one of her employees getting sick on the job. Let me help you.” She squirted a big palmful of sunscreen into her hand and began rubbing it all over Caleb. “There! Now you’ll be all safe from the sun.”

Caleb smiled slightly at her. “Danke.”

“No problem! Do you want any lemonade?”

He shook his head. “Nein, I’m fine.”

Jester frowned. “Okay, but I have more than I can drink so if you’re thirsty, be sure to ask for some.”

“Ja, I will.”

Jester grinned at him again. “Great! Now me and Sprinkle need to go back to our sunbathing.”

“Ja, I was thinking your weasel could use some more sun,” Caleb said.

“He really could. And you could do with some less.”

Caleb chuckled. “With you around, I’ll be sure to not have too much.”

* * *

Professor Lavorre looked over the test on her desk. “I’m very disappointed in you, Mr. Widogast. If you want to keep your scholarship, you’re going to have to bring up your grades.”

Caleb bit his cherry red lips. “Is there anyway I can get extra credit?” He fiddled with the short skirt of his school uniform.

“Hmm, I can think of one way,” Professor Lavorre said resting a hand on Claeb’s bare thigh.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” Fjord woke up in a cold sweat.

Caleb looked over at him. “Are you alright?”

Fjord wiped off his forehead. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a bad dream.”

“Was it another one of your wet dreams, Fjord?” Jester asked waggling her eyebrows.

“Kind of.”


End file.
